Congrats my Friend, don't be too scared or to worry...

Happy birthday..

.

The hardest thing is to open up after you ..

Coins

I'm pathetic..very 

Hospital

Hospital's a saddest place..

A deep cuts I never expect..but ..

:(

When u miss someone too much, is when u woke up and think too much..

That is call waiting..

dear god, let me pass and I will deliver good thing to her.

YSL

Dear lord, i hope angels would hold her and protect her when I'm much too far away..

:)

Something different when I was praying for you..

I don't know every morning, you just have to come into my mind. I would pray that you'll be better each day but I just cried inside.. Every morning ..

I'll just tell myself I will be happy for you

Someday

Someday I will like to go to the places you like to see, the northern light.

Denali National park, Alaska.

Pray for the better you. Because I want you to come back..

Letter

I am a broken person.

Letter to someone I love so much.

I am so tired of your drug use. I am just so tired of being tired because you've kept me up all night accusing me of things yet at the same time we are happy because we spend time together.

I am tired of making excuses and pretending everything is fine. I am tired of holding this relationship together. I am tired of your reactions, your moods, your erupting anger yet i want to stay by your side.

I am tired of keeping this pain that I feel inside to myself. Living like every day is happy when everything is turmoil.

You need to fix the damage you've done. You need to try.

You tell people how I destroy you and drag you down. But I didn't mumble a word to anyone till today.

Everyone loves you unconditionally. Your drug use has broken my heart.

You lie to me, you accuse me, you torment me, you shout, you get so angry, you are sick, is the real you even there any more? Can I even be there ?

You are losing me, I do not want to see you lose another person again and the bright future?

You are the nicest person is just that this damn thing has taken over your body. I know deep down inside how kind your heart is.

 I wonder where your mind is at, and how do I get there. I can't even imagine how a drug can make you think such ridiculous things and how it makes the paranoia a reality to you.

I'll never know, and I'll never understand. You leave me feeling on edge, walking around on empty shells, I am defensive and I lack trust in you, I constantly feel I have to justify myself. How is this fair?

Why do I have to feel like this. This isn't me. You know the feelings you get from this drug are a lie, its all fake, it turns you into a fake person.

I think what your doing is a very selfish thing. How can you do this to us? What makes your addiction so important?

Why are you able to escape with your drug use? Why is it okay for you to get away with someone to escape and leave me to carry on like nothing is wrong? Why is that OK?

Why do I even have to deal with any of this. I never asked for this life, it's not what I had planned. I have to go through life drug free and survive it, you need to learn to get over it and move forward, never dwell on things.

I am just so devastated. I don't even know where to begin and what to do, why is it me that has to feel like this? Do you even care that I feel like this ?

I just can't keep on doing this.

I want you to walk the path of evil free again like you used to be.

Where is my girl who loves me, adores me, cherishes me, would walk the ends of the earth with me, dote on me, care for me when I'm ill and shares the load with me.

Instead I have a girlfriend who accuses me of things, that only exist in your head, what happened to the girl I love.

Where did it go wrong, where did he go. Everything is so tense. You know I do, I do love you so very very much, I want you to get better, I want to go back to how we were.

I wish I could wake up and it was all just a bad dream. 

Why do people do this to other people? What gives them the right to ruin people's lives, my life. I hate what this drug has done, what it has turned us into.

I do love you so very much, you're my world. Your smile lights up the dullest of rooms when you are you. Your whole face just smiles, it's the most gorgeous smile I know.

I'm in a constant battle, I don't even know who I am any more.

I deserve better from you. We had the potential for the real life love story, for a healthy happy family.

If you got help now, and stayed clean, would there would be hope for us?

zapper-shhhh: Come back

zapper-shhhh: Come back

Come back

That night when u were waiting for your friend and I'm lying down at the door. Actually I felt something on me, coming in by the door cause I could feel it.

I guess there's a hint about telling you to do something cause I wasn't howling when u said that to me. I did offer joss stick actually. I guess u didn't know.. And I kept this for quit long..someday when you are good, everything will be smooth sailing.. 

I'm helpless against this , is all in your mind. For years ahead, be better and I'll pray for you still cause i have faith. 

I might not be around but I hope u be free and live proud. 

I love you.. I hope u will see someday..I really do.

:(

All is down and gone what I can do is pray and have faith. Nothing left..

You be good..

I wish

Pineapple of my dreams

There was once a person, told me that once I've chosen this path. It's gonna be like a war. I told this person I gonna get one person out of this when I step in. 

Midst of this, one more person told me who is not my friend nor acquaintance, he said it's not gonna have good ending if that person still there. I told this person, i won't be the one leaving.

I still have high hopes for you, so hurry back home. Cause I miss you so.. 

Now

This is the third person texting , calling me telling me how much trauma and physical pain I have bought upon you. I can't talk to anyone , those cruel words you said to me. 

Right now all that happen you were never in wrong, and is this the real you ? 

Such violent, knife were out little cuts in you and me, cleaning up your wound while u were asleep, asking you if you really want it.. 

All and all only who knows.. Just you and me.. Kept all this secret to myself , handle all threats and call , handling day jobs, family , and social life. 

Still pray hard you will come back and free ..

Behind those crystal wall of yours, how much do you feel for me..

Scars

I really don't know how chase u back and everyday there is more and more conflicts. Time please be on your side, I feel so sad hearing all this is my doing . 

I wish I could tell u , I wish you could see , I wish u are free.

A scar on my heart

The day when u are free of this, and u will  be like an angel. I had never been angry nor blame you for anything because I know u are beautiful in the heart somewhere beyond those disgusting ice demon in the head. Because I choose this path and I love you. 

Hate me or let me be the one , you will walk out of this with the help of others. I'm down with my job, my life, my family I had no regrets as long as one day you can be free. I shall see you one day free from the demonic chain from afar I will smile. I pray to God let this day and all the goodness bestow on you , my love. 

Love Vinny.

Dear god, please give me the strength to go through this and shine the light to all the darkness around her. Sincerely, I pray towards the help I ask for. I will repay for all her recovery towards a better life.