妳笑著說　他是朋友　但妳眼中太溫柔 我的不安　那麼沉重　只有妳不懂 他霸佔了妳的心中　屬於我的角落 所以妳說　我們　不是妳和我 是我想太多　妳總這樣說　但妳卻沒有　真的心疼我 是我想太多　我也這樣說　這是唯一能　安慰我的理由 You always told me not to think too much, but have you feel for me ? But he's still always in your heart, a corner of me.. You always say us, but the us is always not you and me.. But have you ever feel for me.. I can always tell you it's okay, But all this is just to console myself. I have die everyday waiting for you, everytime being with me, it's all about him first in your phone. When you told me it's gonna be over, i had so much hope for us. But all this is shattered in my heart, my tears couldn't stop. When all i was waiting for you to come back to have supper, in the end i'm still alone. Telling me that you had forgotten about coming back to me, this is what broke my heart the most.. For all this while, all this day's i've been with you. I can feel that he is the one not me. Maybe if you choose him, you don't have to struggle anymore.I'm not all that you wanted in your heart anymore. This time let me make this decision for you smell, It will be easier for you to accept. I've never regret loving you...

Maybe I'm not important .. 

http://youtu.be/Am9rvhUTrpA

Dearest

How I wish u could tell me nothing but the truth.

Those that you decided to hide from me,

where did all those respect goes.

Even when you are with me, the first person that came to your mind is him .

Dear don't be the one I hate the most,

Because I put my love, patience, trust, and my kindness in you.

21st sept

Today is suppose to be the day we go on a short trip as a loving couple, but now I hope u can enjoy all this moment together and relax. What I plan for was suppose to be in oct but oct is the exam month of yours. Good luck and do your best smell. 

Loving you smell.

Falling and falling

After everything I've gone through, I still want to love without reservation. I believe it's alright to take chances in love, and when I do , I simply give it all. And if things doesn't work out again, I don't have to feel that I'm a loser from loving wholeheartedly . Sometimes, I would isolate myself from you and everything , maybe this is because I always never get  your attention. You never see this part of me when being together. 

曾经有一份真诚的爱情摆在我面前,但是我没有珍惜,等到了失去的时候才后悔莫及,尘世间最痛苦的事莫过于此,如果上天可以给我一个机会再来一次的话,我会对那个女孩说我爱你!如果非要把这份爱加上一个期限,我希望是一万年.

Silly

I dreamt about calling you talking on the phone..when I woke up , I was holding the phone beside my head 😢

Good night open your mouth and drool ! 

:(

Now man talk about their problem...from the past to now...haiz now my problem I didn't take out...

15 September 2013

Thanks for the plaster. I thought I got your care and concern for me back, now I understand.

The morning wait was worthwhile to find out who is really in your heart . 

:(

Am I really such a lousy person ? :'( 

All that you have to say about me is I'm such a let down on every occasion :'(

Am I really not understanding enough? :'(

I also need your attention too, it is me that brought upon this broken relationship. But have you tried putting yourself in my shoe..missing you everyday so long and only gets little of your time back :'(((( slowly all your time and also our dating time is also into your work ... Time spend together meant so much to me and us u know?? I understand your workload.. But how could I not be missing you and not wanting more of your attention? 

After a week of me being in the army, you gave up more on us.. 

Smelly , why don't you sit down and tell me.. We promise to solve every problem that arise .. Even till now, I still care for you.. When I don't even know where your about.. I still loves you my smelly .

I will try to learn everyday and to remember small little detail that I miss out. So one day when we can be together again , we will walk down the path as old crappy husband and very fierce old wife down the road with many grandson and daughter happily.. :)

Smelly. 

September is really a very down fall month for me..I don't know it's a good thing or bad thing .. the first time I have to stop eating lunch and dinner for the whole 2 weeks .. today is the first time I bought this for myself .. I felt so disheartened .. My love of my live has to leave me.. If I can't take care of myself how do I take care of her... 

Don't be so stressful smelly, i can feel that deep down you are sad and hoping everything will be over. But when all this sadness is gone, i wish I will still be the one giving you all the happiness that you want. :) The future that u wish for :)

smelly

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want. I never let you go, because in the back of my mind, I still believe that someday we'll get our second chance. I hate being second to those I put first. When my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it. I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like other part of my body is broken too. Tears are words the heart can't express. The hardest thing to do is waking up without you. I hate this feeling. It's one I know all too well. It's a thing called heartbreak and it hurts like hell. When I see you smile and know that it's not for me, that's when I miss you the most. Sometimes you don't realize how much you care for someone until they stop caring for you.

Sorry smell ..

D-47

Today is the fourth night I've been here,

if you are still loving me like before, it can't be possible.. Able to be part for so long means that you haven already given up, It's the consequence I have to bear.

Is it time for me to let go? I've shed so many tears through so many night.

May god guide me to you once more.

Fate that we can't be together anymore ,

May I ask for one more chance and let us be together again and go through thick and thin till old? 

My dearest smelly , even though our time spend together is short but I treasure every moment being with you. Thank you for being with me in this life time. Memories of ours will forever be with me in my heart. 

You ask me how I treated you in the past, I have no excuses, it's all abt me inside of my head that I hurt you. I can't

Undo all those hurt that I made to you.

Those hurt that I've done to you, I felt them as well. Because I try to put it in your shoe what if you are the one doing to me when I put in those effort .

Your friends are more important than me, because they are the one that see you through this hardwork you've been , and they are the one understand you the most. The me right now will only brings you nothing but unhappiness, this is not I want to give you. I felt glad that way maybe.. But on the other hand.. I feel hurt. Not because of your decision, but what I reap.. 

I love you smelly. 

😣

I need to control my emotion!!!

This year is really a bad year for me,

Having relationship problem , family problem , work problem , financial problem , health problem , army ippt fail.. 

Patience is the key...I need to get this right..I need to express my clear motive..

I guess I'm getting some words at work..

Oct 7th I need to go to the hospital . It's again money . Before 24th nov I gotta clear my ippt , if not RT for 12days.

Now my dearest smelly hates talking to me. Oct 27th our anniversary! 48 days away, I haven save up enough for her yet. This month 3 colleague birthday I did not celebrate with all of them . But contribute present.. 

Last year my insurance was delayed till this year and I payed a hefty 1.9k.

I hope smelly can get a good get away trip to batam. A seaview resort , a romantic honeymoon for the first time .. 

Now we are drifted apart..

I'll try to work more days now so that we can have enough to spend. 

But there's only one me, I still want to spend time with you! 

I need to think think think...when there's a will , there's a way.

I love you because I said I would.

I don't want to live a regretful life in the future.

I will always give u what I have , 

Maybe I'll try to resolve all this problem day by day. 

I hope u come back to me soon..

I miss your hug, your kiss , your laughter and everything abt you! 

I wish you can stop drinking with your friends already :(

I remember having this heartbroken feeling so strong few years back when Cecilia broke up with me. 

Now this feeling haunt me again, I can physically felt my heart aching .. Inside of my head runs all the picture , tears rolling down my cheek , with all the sad song playing.. I stop myself from drinking this time, because I know if I start doing this again when I feel sad.. I know I will never do what's right..it's really really hard to bring myself up again...

I wished you'll be here when I cried.

I was yearning for your warm embrace..

I knew you were out there somewhere ..

it's stressful for you, I'll be more supportive for you. somehow you are my only love.

Maybe you understand me more than I do.

There's so many unresolved issue between us, there bound to a time when we both can really work out together .

But somehow we sail through all this and now it's a mess that I made..

If u ever fall In love with someone again ,

I will feel even more heartbroken, but if being with me now isn't happy or going anywhere.. I would still hold onto you and try everything for you smelly .

Good Night smelly, I hope you went back home from drinking session already .

I love you always, my dearest Anvil.

P!nk - Just Give Me A Reason ft. Nate Ruess

Falling :'(

I also don't know why I become like this..maybe I just want your attention.

Bad things keep pouring into my mind..

:'(

I tried to watch this movie letters to Juliet , but I tear even more.. Picture of us keep running in my mind..the guy that doesn't have time for his girl all the time, all that is abt work he is on,..I'm afraid that we can't be together in the future..

In the end you told me, I can never understand your work. 

Can you try to understand me abit? How I feel all this time? I miss you so much! But your phone never leave your hand for an hour..even while having dinner Tgt . :(

Aren't we suppose to spend every precious time Tgt ? :'(

I'm really sorry that I could no longer understand why is this happening.

I'm sorry it is my fault that I get angry at you.

I'm sorry that I'm breaking down.. 

I'm sorry that I'm always making you having a bad day now..

Now that I'm like this, it's hard for me to bring out the happiness that u always wanted. 

Maybe I might even be happy for you that your stress that I bring to you is over.

It break my heart to see myself become like this . :'(

I just wanna wait to have dinner with you

My first proper meal for 3 days..I wanna send letter..

We went out for a date.. I really don't know what this is anymore..I did not spend time Tgt..this is not what we are suppose to be..I love who you are..

:'(

Attention, affection, love and commitment. :'(

:'( this is the first time I felt so heartbroken while smiling to my colleague.. 

I miss the day when both of us can really spend time together...

I hope u can take time to do all your stuff ..and we can go back like how we use to laugh and be so sweet ..

Now maybe we can only miss those sweet memories ..

:'( when lily still teach me how to make a proposal and thought of how I can make things happen .. :'( a few days apart and now this is ..

All the heartache feels the same..in the heart..

Mine ...

You would always be on your phone, sometimes for you wouldn't even concentrate on what we are talking about. You said I don't understand, slowly as time pass, you began to stay till late in your office, at first I would wait for you, we will always go our for supper and have our little time spend together, but as time pass, you would always tell me that you are very tired.. We have lesser time spend together.. It's partly my fault to always go out drink with my friend, as time pass, when u ended work, you start going out with your friends for drinking session, your colleague.. You wouldn't come with me, it's very tiring for you I know, I appreciate your afford, but where do I stand for most of the time,you would be with your friend first then me... I felt so heartbroken, at first you told me "I thought you will understand, why won't understand my job". 

How to I understand? Maybe it's me that always don't try to understand your job load and stress . I'm always drunk when you look for me, u feel so angry and sad too. But do you know that most of the time when I'm drunk till like this and we quarrel, is that you wasn't with me from the start, you always came from somewhere else then to me.. Maybe it's something good or sad.. Yesterday I felt so heartbroken .. or maybe this whole week... if you can understand .. I can ony feel that we are drifting apart, I feel that you don't really love me so much.. 

On a rainy night, I can only send you to your friend, you look at your phone the last time and told me "it's going to 12am , I need to go up le , reach home msg me." You rush to your good pal and friends...your eye didn't even turn to look at me... It started raining hard on me...Inside of me it's just like the rain..

I know that you are going out, I just try my luck... It's your freedom that I try not to intervene with... But .......

I can suddenly remember this feeling... Or should I ... :( I'm really :'( 

Or it's just my complaint. Maybe I'm too much ..

I still loves you smelly.