smelly

It's hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when it's everything you want. I never let you go, because in the back of my mind, I still believe that someday we'll get our second chance. I hate being second to those I put first. When my absence doesn't alter your life, then my presence has no meaning in it. I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like other part of my body is broken too. Tears are words the heart can't express. The hardest thing to do is waking up without you. I hate this feeling. It's one I know all too well. It's a thing called heartbreak and it hurts like hell. When I see you smile and know that it's not for me, that's when I miss you the most. Sometimes you don't realize how much you care for someone until they stop caring for you.

Sorry smell ..

D-47

Today is the fourth night I've been here,

if you are still loving me like before, it can't be possible.. Able to be part for so long means that you haven already given up, It's the consequence I have to bear.

Is it time for me to let go? I've shed so many tears through so many night.

May god guide me to you once more.

Fate that we can't be together anymore ,

May I ask for one more chance and let us be together again and go through thick and thin till old? 

My dearest smelly , even though our time spend together is short but I treasure every moment being with you. Thank you for being with me in this life time. Memories of ours will forever be with me in my heart. 

You ask me how I treated you in the past, I have no excuses, it's all abt me inside of my head that I hurt you. I can't

Undo all those hurt that I made to you.

Those hurt that I've done to you, I felt them as well. Because I try to put it in your shoe what if you are the one doing to me when I put in those effort .

Your friends are more important than me, because they are the one that see you through this hardwork you've been , and they are the one understand you the most. The me right now will only brings you nothing but unhappiness, this is not I want to give you. I felt glad that way maybe.. But on the other hand.. I feel hurt. Not because of your decision, but what I reap.. 

I love you smelly. 

😣

I need to control my emotion!!!

This year is really a bad year for me,

Having relationship problem , family problem , work problem , financial problem , health problem , army ippt fail.. 

Patience is the key...I need to get this right..I need to express my clear motive..

I guess I'm getting some words at work..

Oct 7th I need to go to the hospital . It's again money . Before 24th nov I gotta clear my ippt , if not RT for 12days.

Now my dearest smelly hates talking to me. Oct 27th our anniversary! 48 days away, I haven save up enough for her yet. This month 3 colleague birthday I did not celebrate with all of them . But contribute present.. 

Last year my insurance was delayed till this year and I payed a hefty 1.9k.

I hope smelly can get a good get away trip to batam. A seaview resort , a romantic honeymoon for the first time .. 

Now we are drifted apart..

I'll try to work more days now so that we can have enough to spend. 

But there's only one me, I still want to spend time with you! 

I need to think think think...when there's a will , there's a way.

I love you because I said I would.

I don't want to live a regretful life in the future.

I will always give u what I have , 

Maybe I'll try to resolve all this problem day by day. 

I hope u come back to me soon..

I miss your hug, your kiss , your laughter and everything abt you! 

I wish you can stop drinking with your friends already :(

I remember having this heartbroken feeling so strong few years back when Cecilia broke up with me. 

Now this feeling haunt me again, I can physically felt my heart aching .. Inside of my head runs all the picture , tears rolling down my cheek , with all the sad song playing.. I stop myself from drinking this time, because I know if I start doing this again when I feel sad.. I know I will never do what's right..it's really really hard to bring myself up again...

I wished you'll be here when I cried.

I was yearning for your warm embrace..

I knew you were out there somewhere ..

it's stressful for you, I'll be more supportive for you. somehow you are my only love.

Maybe you understand me more than I do.

There's so many unresolved issue between us, there bound to a time when we both can really work out together .

But somehow we sail through all this and now it's a mess that I made..

If u ever fall In love with someone again ,

I will feel even more heartbroken, but if being with me now isn't happy or going anywhere.. I would still hold onto you and try everything for you smelly .

Good Night smelly, I hope you went back home from drinking session already .

I love you always, my dearest Anvil.

P!nk - Just Give Me A Reason ft. Nate Ruess

Falling :'(

I also don't know why I become like this..maybe I just want your attention.

Bad things keep pouring into my mind..

:'(

I tried to watch this movie letters to Juliet , but I tear even more.. Picture of us keep running in my mind..the guy that doesn't have time for his girl all the time, all that is abt work he is on,..I'm afraid that we can't be together in the future..

In the end you told me, I can never understand your work. 

Can you try to understand me abit? How I feel all this time? I miss you so much! But your phone never leave your hand for an hour..even while having dinner Tgt . :(

Aren't we suppose to spend every precious time Tgt ? :'(

I'm really sorry that I could no longer understand why is this happening.

I'm sorry it is my fault that I get angry at you.

I'm sorry that I'm breaking down.. 

I'm sorry that I'm always making you having a bad day now..

Now that I'm like this, it's hard for me to bring out the happiness that u always wanted. 

Maybe I might even be happy for you that your stress that I bring to you is over.

It break my heart to see myself become like this . :'(

I just wanna wait to have dinner with you

My first proper meal for 3 days..I wanna send letter..